My Letter to Our Shitty Homeowner's Association

Okay, so I am easing into this blog thing and have not been very good at selling the sizzle of all that is Mr. P. Here is an easy blog entry; my letter to our HOA on why they can go to hell for hinting that they are going to raise our fees. We had some playground equipment vandalized and the HOA automatically tells us that they will raise our fees. Mind you, we pay $55 per month for nothing but a letter each month. They pay our landscape company $60,000 per year to "f" up our grass and can't keep our trashy, foreclosed on neighbors from allowing their weeds to grow over the top of their rocks. And if you have never seen a Vegas neighborhood, every house has stupid rocks in the front yard. If you don't want rocks, you have to pay $3000 for a miniature golf surface so it appears you have grass. Wouldn't be so bad if you could put a windmill or waterfall in your yard so you could at least putt a few times a day. Real grass is forbidden here in hell's kitchen because of the water shortage. Look at the fountains at Bellagio and tell me how much water we don't have. Anyway, here is the letter. Hope you enjoy.


Mr. P to shazizzle. Reply:


I just received my May 2008 HOA Newsletter and have some very real concerns that you will potentially be raising dues AGAIN. I have spoken to several homeowners throughout the valley who have much better looking neighborhoods than we do and less vandalism, whose fees are half what we currently pay. You cannot automatically propose an increase because there is an issue. You have to look at how the money is managed in the first place. Have you considered security cameras rather than a security firm for hire? Have you thought about not rebuilding the park equipment and investing in the trees (the ones that were promised 9 months ago, by the way) instead? Have you thought about imposing fines on the two homes across from my house (9876 & 6789 Anywhere Ave.) for utterly atrocious yards which are being taken over by weeds? You are proposing a "raise" in a time when your company has failed this neighborhood entirely. In my business, I would get fired for such a proposal. I would suggest that you start looking at the budget closely and determining where you can cut because I, for one, will not be paying for an increase to a company that cannot effectively manage the basics. I would also like to know my balance. I requested this information a month ago and did not receive a response. Thanks

-- Matt P 1234 Anywhere Ave. Las Vegas, NV 90210